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Monday, May 15, 2006

Stu Grills Contemplates life without footy

Every footballer at some point reaches that crossroad, life without football. For some, they simply move on away from the sport and step into new ventures. For others, who have enjoyed being in the spotlight for a long length of time have only found that the bright lights of fame have blinded their vision an disrupted any future happiness once that light fades to a complete darkness. Right from the gecko’ baby Stu was born to play football.

Stu Grills has enjoyed a wide range of success with his football career. Too many or perhaps too few to mention. Legend and famous commentator, Lou Richards once described Grills as “a good ordinary player”. Stu spent many years trying to prove to Lou that he was more than just ordinary. Grills, seeking to find the answer to ‘is the grass greener on the other side’ knowing his career will one day cease, has started his own business called YARD VENTURES. He has always loved the smell of grass. (Wow man!) These days he spends his time cutting lawns and trimming hedges. He divides the lawn area to be mowed into 4 sections. Each section is broken down into a game, as he tries to improve his mowing time and leaving less grass clippings behind each section, quarter, and game whatever. You don’t play football for as long as Stu has and just walk away. It’s in his blood. A resident of West Vancouver with a 60ft long 20ft high hedge called upon YARD VENTURES for an annual trim. When the owner arrived home he was outrage to find Mr. Grills standing in complete Australian Rules football gear and pulling up one sock and lining up to take a shot at the goals. Mr. Grills had cut out three equal sections of the 70yr old cedar hedge and shaped 4 narrow 20ft high goal post with his $65 HOME DEPOT hedge trimmer. Perhaps a keen supporter of Australian Rules football could understand such a strange behavioral pattern that Mr. Grills is developing but one can’t understand why he trimmed out each post to be of equal height.

Mr Cheweyonyabeut from the physiological behavioral pattern of human science at UBC CANADA has suggested that Mr. Grills has fixated his life on footy to the extent that his brain has divided itself into 4 quarters. Most human brains are divided into a left and right hand side. There is a lot of confusion up there in his head and grass doesn’t grow on a busy street. Mr. Cheweyonyabeut suggests the 4 sculptured goal post in West Van’ was a deliberate exercise into tricking himself that even if he kicks a point it’s still in between two big sticks and therefore is a goal.

The Commissioner of BC Footy was contacted earlier today and although he is concerned about the long term effects Stu might have suffered from a number of concussions he also believes his old mate is at a crossroad. Family and friends have come together for Mr. Grills in an effort to help support the legend that one day will have to live with himself without football 24/7

Mr. Grills was unavailable for comment.


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